


Wastefulness

by shichan



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: AU because they're not idols here, Angst, Blind Character, I named Tsukasa's dog Koga please forgive my sense of humor, M/M, some fluff somewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shichan/pseuds/shichan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they meet, Tsukasa is scared: just the day before he was able to see the world like everyone else and now that same world is black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wastefulness

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me for the angst.  
> Also, I'm just getting used to enstars' characters; I hope there's not too much ooc-ness, but please bear with my inexperience! ( 〃．．)

The first time they meet, Tsukasa is scared: just the day before he was able to see the world like everyone else and now that same world is black. He needs his nanny to guide him, and he keeps on stumbling, and he can’t even recognize all those voices around him.  
He’s scared he won’t be able to see anything anymore for the rest of his life – what if mom and dad will abandon him because of this? Since his eyes are sick now, does this mean that nobody will love him (because don’t people throw away defective things) anymore?  
Tsukasa hears his nanny say something about going to talk to the doctor, so he has to wait there on that bed; his tiny hands grasp the sheet as he nods quietly. She gently strokes his hair and then there’s the sound of her steps gradually fading. He swallows and tries to focus on what he can hear from where he is: it looks like the room is empty since it’s so quiet; he’s so sure to be alone that the moment something touches his hand he jumps and tries to make some distance between himself and whatever is approaching him. He hears a chuckle.  
«Can’t you see me?» the voice asks. It sounds pretty childish and amused, so Tsukasa supposes it belongs to a child, just like him. It reassures him, and makes him relax his shoulders – but the question hurts him so much.  
«How am I supposed to see you if my eyes are closed?»  
«Well, open them, then.»  
Tsukasa holds his breath for a moment. It’s not like he can’t, but he _doesn’t want to_. Since he can’t see are his eyes ugly now? Are they totally black, since black is the only thing he can see? Maybe he can’t see the light in the world anymore and that’s why the only thing left it’s darkness. But well, he’s not sure if he wants to scare another child.  
«My eyes are ugly because they’re ill.» he decides to say in response, a quiet mumble. He’s a bit upset, and he doesn’t know why – he hates being sick, he doesn’t know what’s happening or what will happen to him. He just want to go back home.  
«I’m sick too.» it’s what the other confesses to him, but his voice does not sound worried or frightened or anything of that sort. How is it possible?  
«What illness do you have?» Tsukasa tries, a bit shy. He feels a new weight on his bed and then the other’s voice is suddenly next to him: «It’s a complicated illness. Something at my lungs I think.» he starts to explain «Sometimes I cough and it’s not a beautiful thing to see.» he admits.  
Tsukasa stays quiet, his shoulder brushing against the other’s; he doesn’t know what to say.  
«Does it hurt?»  
«Sometimes.» _(always)_ «But it’s okay, I’m used to it.» _(I hate it, why can’t I get better?)_  
There’s a long silence after that. Tsukasa’s bare forearm feels a rough fabric and he supposes that’s the other child’s hospital cloth: is he going to wear one too?  
«My name is Eichi. What’s yours?»  
«Tsukasa.» he replies just before his nanny comes back, and tells him that the doctor is going to see him soon then asking about the cute boy sitting beside her young master. Eichi answers and talks a lot – then at some point he says he’s going to lay on his bed since nurses always scold him because he wanders in the hospital when he’s supposed to rest. It’s a bit difficult, but Tsukasa he’s able to grab Eichi’s sleeve before he’s too far from him.  
«How do you get used to it?» he asks, because wouldn’t it be awesome, to be able to get used to his sick eyes so that mom and dad will still love him and he won’t be scared anymore?  
«Just wait and you’ll be able to.» _(I hope you won’t need to)_.

  
They become friends, to point that four years later Tsukasa still goes out of his way to visit Eichi every week. It sure helps that he studies at home because of his blindness – there’s a chance he’s going to have a transplant one day, but at twelve years old he’s still too young, or so his doctor said.  
Last years he’s got a puppy that has been trained so that it can be of use; Tsukasa doesn’t like the way his parents say it: “ _of use_ ”. He likes that dog: it’s not properly disciplined yet, but he’s fluffy and cute and it always barks whenever someone goes near Tsukasa without his consent.  
That’s more or less what’s happening now. Tsukasa pulls the leash a bit: «Koga, stop pulling. Sit.»  
It’s in that moment that he hears someone laughing: «Let him be, he’s just worried about his master, right? Who’s the good boy, puppy?» it’s what the other person says, making Tsukasa smile, amused. People don’t usually like how Koga approaches them – not that he can blame them.  
After four years Tsukasa has learnt to focus on sounds: the voice of the person who’s at his right seems to belong to some teenager, a cheerful one for sure.  
«So, let me help you cross the street.» the other says, and it surprises Tsukasa a bit. He knows his condition sometimes puts at discomfort who talks to him, however this boy sounds so natural about it like they’re childhood friends and perfectly fine with each other. He smiles, a bit embarrassed: «It’s okay, I’m used to do it by myself. I was just waiting for Koga to calm down a bit—»  
«I insist! I’m going in the same direction anyway and, oh, yeah, I’m Chiaki by the way. Where are you going? Well, to the other side of the road of course, but I mean your final goal.» he showers Tsukasa with words and it takes him a moment to be able to reply: «I’m going to the hospital.» he mutters, a bit confused about the whole situation. He hears the sound of a clap and the next thing he knows is that Chiaki has grabbed his wrist gently but firmly.  
«To the hospital we go, then!» he exclaims like he’s five years old and they’re going to save the world. Tsukasa smiles, despite how silly this sounds, because it’s been a while since the last time he’s been able to dream about being a superhero – about being able to do what everyone else can do as easily as breathe.

  
Six months pass since his meeting with Chiaki. Sometimes he hears him calling out his name while he’s walking around with Koga: Chiaki must be in some team – which sport, Tsukasa hasn’t figured it out – because whenever they meet Chiaki always seems surrounded by people and is a bit out of breath when they talk. Still, Tsukasa thinks he’s a really good guy, and Koga is finally used to see him without starting to bark endlessly at the other.  
He still visits Eichi, but he goes accompanied by his driver, because he can’t let Koga inside a hospital of course – as he figured it out in the past. Eichi isn’t doing too well recently: he’s always tired and Tsukasa feels guilty about making him stay awake to talk to him. But Eichi doesn’t seem to mind, even if sometimes he’s in a bad mood and Tsukasa senses it when it’s always too late. He hates the fact he can’t see, not just because of obvious reasons, but also because it’s hard to guess what other people are thinking if you can’t look them in the eyes and read their expressions.  
There are days in which Eichi lets him touch his face in order to figure out things on his own. They stay silent and Tsukasa moves his hand carefully to feel Eichi’s features under his fingertips – he always starts from his cheeks, then he goes up long his nose, and then he brushes the other’s lips, trying to figure out if he’s smiling. He’s sure Eichi fakes it really often.  
«What colour are your eyes, Eichi-oniisama?» he asked one of the first times while visiting him out of pure luck, if one can consider himself lucky because he has to go see the doctor about his own blindness.  
«Do you remember colours, Tsukasa?»  
«Some of them.» he admitted at that time, making Eichi chuckle. He still doesn’t know if he was making fun of him or if he was genuinely amused.  
«The colour of the sky, then.» he replied, and Tsukasa thought they had to be really beautiful; he regretted that he couldn’t see them. He still regrets it.  
«Ah!» it’s what an unknown voice exclaim as Tsukasa reaches the gate of his house. He’s gone out for a walk so the first thing he hears is Koga’s growl: «Do you, by any chance, live he—woah, is this a dog? Shouldn’t dogs be more like happy puppies that wag their tales to every human being they happen to see?» the stranger asks – _pretty impolite_ , is what Tsukasa thinks. Probably it shows on his face, but the other maybe hasn’t noticed it. Or he has ignored it.  
«They do.» he says, turning his face towards the point Koga’s supposed to be «Koga just doesn’t know you, and he doesn’t wag his tale to strangers who wait in front of my house.» he adds, because Koga has never growled to people just because they’re passing by – otherwise it’d be impossible to go anywhere with the poor dog.  
The other laughs, and Tsukasa is a bit surprised: who is amused when scolded? He sighs, and decides to let this person do as he pleases.  
«So» he hears him saying «my sister, here» _oh_ , Tsukasa thinks, since he was absolutely sure the other was alone «threw a ball into your garden by accident. Can she have it back?»  
«Of course she can.» he affirms immediately, smiling kindly even if he doesn’t know where this “sister” is standing exactly «Let me just call someone to help her.» he adds, moving slightly aside and reaching out towards the wall. He traces its length with his fingertips until he finds the point where said wall bends a little; the intercom is there, so he presses the button.  
«Yes?»  
«It’s me. Could you please open the gate and send someone to help me find a ball?» Tsukasa says, and he doesn’t have to wait at all because the automatic gate immediately starts to open and it take just a couple of minutes for one of his servants to come and start looking for the lost object.  
When they find it and they give it back to the little girl Tsukasa is delighted to hear her say «Thank you!» in a cute, happy voice.  
«You’re welcome. Feel free to ask for help whenever you need it, if the time comes again.» he offers, and then he hears the other boy whistle: «Such a gentleman, aren’t you? But my adorable sister is still too young for you!»  
«W-What nonsense are you spouting? I didn’t think about something so disrespectful, not even for a second and it’s very rude of you to insinuate so.»  
«Are you saying my sister is not cute enough for you, young master?»  
«I never— and besides, how could I have said something like this, in front of the girl herself? It would be impolite of me! However there’s no way I could judge her looks, since I can’t even tell where she is now.» he admits. It hurts so much to do so – better said, it irritates him so much. How can this rude boy say such things ? Hasn’t he noticed his conditions?  
«Oh, yeah.»  that’s all this person has to say. Tsukasa hopes to never see him again.  
«Thanks for your help.» the little girl says again, in an apologetically voice, before she starts to walk away.  
Before finally going beyond the gate of his house, Tsukasa can hear her scold his brother about his manners. He sighs, and Koga bumps its head against its master’s leg.

  
It’s surprising when, four days after their first meeting, Tsukinaga Leo – that’s the stranger’s name – brings himself to Tsukasa’s house and not because he lost another ball. Tsukasa tries to ignore him and makes his butler say to the boy he’s never home. Unfortunately Leo is a really stubborn person so it doesn’t take too long for him to catch Tsukasa while he’s leaving the house to go to the hospital for a check. The first time Leo doesn’t follow him, and Tsukasa can whine about him with Eichi when he goes to visit him; the other seems amused by such a person, and Tsukasa can’t really understand why.  
«He seems really funny.» Eichi affirms «More like someone I’d really like to mess with just to see how he reacts.» he admits.  
Then months pass, and Leo’s visits become more frequent; Tsukasa could send him away, but one day he simply surrenders and lets him in, because he’s had a really bad day and doesn’t have the strength to argue with him – the doctor’s said there’s still no transplant available and Tsukasa is too young, and his eye nerves seem tired lately, so there’s no way they can already talk about a real solution to his disease. Eichi was at the hospital but asked to the nurses to not let anyone near his room, let alone into it. Tsukasa’s is worried and nervous and angry so Leo can do what he wants and say everything he comes up with. Tsukasa doesn’t care at all.  
«Have you ever listened to music? I mean, real music, the kind that makes you cry while you listen to it because it’s too beautiful! I compose it, ya know? And I’m pretty good – better said, I’m a real genius, one that’s born every so many years you can’t even count! Have you ever tried to play something? Aaah, I’m sure something wonderful is taking shape in my mind! Hurry, I have to write it down before it fades—!»  
«Well, everything about this world _fades_ to me, so I really couldn’t care _less_ about your music and your being a genius and all these things you’re babbling about! I _can’t see_ , in case you didn’t notice! Why can’t you just read the atmosphere and _shut the fuck up_.» Tsukasa shouts, finding himself standing in front of Leo – or so it should be –, angry and frustrated. He has never said something so unbelievably rude to someone. It’s not even Leo’s fault. It’s just that he’s so tired of not being able to do anything that others can have without even trying.  
«I know.» Leo starts, his voice serious (it’s the first time Tsukasa hears it like this) «That you’re blind. I know it. But you can hear, and you’ve two legs and two arms, and you’re fine – apart from your eyes – and isn’t you health okay?» he continues and Tsukasa doesn’t know what to say, because he’s still angry and he believes Leo’s able to talk like this because he _can_ see; and yet he craves for his words because it’s the first time someone is finally saying to him he’ll be able to do anything he wants, that his blindness doesn’t make him less worth living or loved.  
He doesn’t expect to feel Leo’s lips brushing against his own.  
«If your world fades black, you should redraw it.» Leo whispers, his mouth still embarrassingly near Tsukasa’s. He doesn’t reply – he wishes he could see Leo’s expression right now.

  
It takes almost two years to make Tsukasa admit in front of Eichi that he’s dating Leo. There’s never been a chance for them to meet, but Tsukasa has talked about Eichi to Leo and the other way around. He’s not so sure they would get along, but he loves Eichi as a brother and well, it’d be important to him to be able to make them shake hands at least.  
That’s what he says to Eichi too, sitting beside his hospital bed, trying to ignore the smell of disinfectant in the room and the constant “beep” of the medical equipment: «Leo’s getting ready for an important piano performance» Tsukasa tells him «but he promised me he’ll come next time, since the next date hasn’t been decided yet.»  
He’s tried to describe Leo to Eichi, even if only through his ways to “look at” someone: he’s explained to Eichi how Leo’s skin is smooth to the point he thought that maybe Tsukinaga was, like, ten years old and not two years older than him; he’s told him about Leo’s soft and thin lips, about his nose, his cheeks, and how he can always guess when Leo’s smiling by touching the corner of his eyes – he’s admitted to Eichi how disappointed he’s felt about not being able to see the colour of his eyes, just how it’s been when he and Eichi were younger.  
«Did he described the colour to you like I did?» he’s asked and so Tsukasa’s told that yes, Leo’s done it and Tsukasa’s more or less figured it out. It’s still not enough – it doesn’t feel so.  
«I’m afraid I won’t be able to meet Tsukinaga-kun.» Eichi says out of nowhere while they’re lingering into one of their silences. Tsukasa jolts in his sit and Eichi continues as if nothing’s happened, like they both don’t know what he’s really talking about: «Did the doctor said anything to you about your operation?»  
«…That it’s okay, now. I mean. I could do it.» _if there was a donor_. He doesn’t say it. He’s afraid of what Eichi could say in return. But the only thing Eichi does is taking Tsukasa’s hand: he brings it to his face and lets Tsukasa touch him so that he’s able to tell Eichi’s smiling.  
«What’s the most unbearable thing in the world for you, Tsukasa?» he asks, letting the previous subject drop just like that. Tsukasa thinks about it for some time: he’s not sure about his answer, but among the things that make him feel irritated – apart from some of Leo ways of doing or saying things – almost all of them are in the past or not worth being mentioned.  
«I’m not sure. People’s ignorance, I suppose.» he claims in the end. Eichi chuckles, and for a moment Tsukasa remembers when they were just eight and ten years old ( _«Tsukasa is such a good kid. You really have a pure heart, don’t you?»_ ); he feels like laughing with him, because that’s probably the reason why Eichi is so amused.  
«What about you, Eichi-oniisama?»  
«Wastefulness.» he admits «How people have things and don’t use them until they break. Or the way they don’t use them because of some stupid moral issues.»  


He screams.  
The nanny who used to take care of him tries to calm he down and yet all Tsukasa is able to do is screaming while throwing around everything he can reach. He hears the doctor saying something about sedatives to the nurses, and his nanny is repeating “ _please young master, please calm down_ ” but all he feels is so much pain he’s sure he’s going to die soon.  
It hurts, and he’s angry, angrier than he’s ever been, because nobody has never lied to him like this or maybe Eichi has been doing it all the time and that makes Tsukasa so— _something_ , he feels like he’s about to explode.  
There’s an itching and he recognizes a syringe needle. The world goes black – and it’s not because he’s blind.  
_This is not what he wanted. This is not something he can redraw._

  
«So now I’m going to remove the bandage. Keep your eyes closed until I say you can try to open them and do it very slowly. If you feel pain, close them again and let us know, okay? There’s nothing to hurry about.» the doctor repeats the same recommendations he’s kept saying these last two days. Tsukasa nods, and feels his father’s hand on his shoulder and his mother keeping her breath for an second. He knows Leo is in the room, maybe a little far from his bed, but looking at him; Tsukasa inhales some air and keeps it in his lungs for a moment. Next, the nurse is undoing his bandage and then she’s taking one or two steps behind to give him space.  
Tsukasa opens his eyes so slowly that it seems he’s doing nothing but stay there, on his bed, white sheets covering half of his body; but then there are small noises – his mother’s sighs, Leo’s steps towards him – that suggest him his eyes are opening. Suddenly he sees light, some colour, blurry objects and frames and then his mother is hugging him and his father’s hold onto Tsukasa’s shoulder is stronger and he _sees_ red hair and green eyes and he knows that’s Leo.  
He cries. He wonders if his purple eyes are now as blue as the summer sky ( _because someone used to hate wastefulness to the point of deciding by himself to be part of someone else after death_ ).


End file.
